http://paradox-ology.blogspot.sg/

I do regret So much about it.

Maybe I'm picky about work
Maybe I just don't have the confidence
or...
maybe I am just coming up with excuses because deep down I know what I want but im not getting it.
It's life isn't it?
I shouldn't have said anything to Ryan.
I shouldn't have skipped NPC retreat just for the interview.
I shouldn't have been so. . late in this.

No Point writing all these either.
But I just need someone who understands.
really what to do?

What am I doing with my life.
I can never control my emotions
I can never get rid of that temperamental side of me.
I can never be the cheerful and sweet girl that I envy.

I'm not fun
I'm not smart
I'm not talented
I'm not good enough

Hello guys! It was 16/12 yesterday and YEAPS it was my 17th year being alive and kicking on this planet( really getting old )
A dear friend of mine actually asked me out and planned a surprise 17th hahas, it was really simple but i could feel the amount of effort he put in.
First we went to watch Hobbit part2 hahas coincidentally, i watched hobbit 1 last year on my birthday as well;) sooo after the movie we went to Marina Barrage for. mini picnic. The food were all prepared by him (awww sweet and thoughtful AHAHAAHA) Good friends mahh riiiighhttttt
chatted and stuff then....... i turned around and saw a group of familiar faces.





THE SJ ZONE1 officers and instructors omgggg Amanda and Dionis were there tooo i was SO ELATED AND REALLY GLAD TO SEE THEM THERE.

i had a great time catching up with them, like i didnt know that i mean so muchto them ( yesyes im touched haha) i really hope our friendship can go om for a looooooooooong time :)
all in all i had an unforgettable birthday , one of the best in 17yrs

:D.. Okayy. .. I realised that I am suppose to continue doing my dedications to my NPC committee... then... I think I should tell you guys that IM IN THAILAND BABEH.

Okay back to LOGS TEAM

First I shall write to pinyi:D
HEY "A LEVEL" GUY.
I really admire the fact that you book in to camp straight after your last A level paper, like why you even bother to volunteer in NPC after As?! After being in camp with you for 4D3N; I realised that you're a quietly funny person who's soft about complains but puts in effort to help.out when we all need help (gazebo ahem hahah). Thanks for helping me find my "lost phone" and talking to me about things which keep me entertained haha.

Austen;
Yohhz 'acquaintance' xD you're another quietly funny idiot which I didn't realise cause I thought you were pretty much same as your friend xD whoop acquaintance xD .
Thanks for lending support and shutting... up most of the time xD

Timo;
Hi er glad to have you in the team . You made me realise how human ' s stupidity nvr ends.

Ce:
HEY BRUHHH
You scared me on the 26th by being so random texting me about how you want to escape the camp xD followed by athes and your randomness in the YCS talk cock group like I became worried hahahha
But I'm glad to have gone through npc with you , once again we completed another event together yeahh xD
It's def something we are going to repeat in the unit till a better event comes along. Till then keep your Sprite Sky HIGH.
Wooooo

Athes
Yoh bruh 2
Finally it's an event together after idk how long!!! It was really great because ce and you totally made my day everyday in camp, your excitement about everything brings my spirit up (when im really seh). Good job to being the first person who really GL - ED..........
Seems like you guys didn't need me and parangs hahahah . (Inner joke)
Sec4!-soon to be ventures outing sooon !! DONT GO MELBOURNE! !!

NPC 2013 was indeed another eye opening experience. Being able to work for a national event under really interesting people, has deepened my experience and inevitably made new friends. I would say that I was initially really pessimistic about my department and the camp itself due to some shallow personal reasons but after the 4day 3 night camp in Sarimbun, i had an almost 360 degree change of mindset. 

I know that in the previous blog posts i complained a lot about NPC and stuff but it really turned out better than expected. Since my Logs team wouldnt know my blog [aha] i shall say some really cheesy stuff[ aiyah theyre pretty geh anyway XD]

Hey Team Logs, it had been a long saikang period and hurray we survived NPC!
I will never forget ALL our inner jokes about T.. or Panda... Or about each other.
All of you are really COOL GAY and FUNNY people, i am able to survive cause of you guys!
i will ahem ahemm miss ahem you ... almost ... all. XP 
eeee sho gehh erhmagad.
TO the TWO PSA BOSS:
Thaddus, i will never forget your sickeningly act serious face and how you like to stare at people to disturb them, or your stupid encouragement for the participants when they come to exchange the canister[idk how to spell] with us. Your craziness when you are "seh" with Marcus [ due to lack of sleep] is priceless.[ especially on the second day wtf]

Marcus, hi lame-o, irritating ass who TOOK MY PHONE AND MADE ME FIND IT WHILE U DEAL WITH GAZEBO ANNOYIIINNGGGGG~ well ya ... some NICE stuff to say,
you've been one of the best people in the department i/m serious. You spent the most time and the most money on the logistic items, you[and thad] stayed up late on a lot of nights to prep for NPC and you did a hell lot of saikang[ less than CE of course Aha]. 
THANKS for always wiping your DIRTY BICEPS and MUDDY HANDS on my shirt after moving logs -.- [ its okay i did it to you too, just less cause im freaking nice]
cant stand you when you're on your seh mode, youre crazier than i think. I guess your words did affect me a lot cause it either really push me through the camp or PISS ME OFF ERHMAGAD. Nonetheless, thanks for being the FIRST person i rant to about our own Dept especially about panda. Aha all the insulting comments i bear in mind.... tsk. youre still annoying horh. better get your PSA.

For the others i shant say much now like probably tmr ;D cause i have a lot to type tonight.   
I really enjoyed myself working with my department people, learning from them as well as to strengthen the bond between my batch. 
Despite the failed attempt as the emcee of the campfire(well it was super last min), it somehow brought my courage up to the next level and made good friends with Joel and Vincent from ACSI [buff ahem inner joke ]

Wah im really shag , tired, SEH alr... all in all
 i would like to just thank Team NPC and the participants for this yet another unforgettable experience. It was really hell but all the fun moments did wash those negativity away from me [idk what im typing anymore] 
All the best to the PSA candidates  i am sure you guys will get your PSA!

Seems like my blog has been dead for a long while....

Good news to share that my fever finally went away, i hope it doesnt miss me and chooses to visit me tonight cause i dont want to take anymore panadols.
So my  fearful days are drawing nearer, THE NPC CAMP. But i will be booking in late because my other illness cough and flu still bugs me quite a lot. Thanks to Marcus CE and Athes i am beginning to feel that hey maybe it wont be 100%bad....

owhhh bad news just ring in.... crap but its okay:)

didnt manage to help team logistic out today at sarimbun....

hais.... been pretty bad lately, keep quarrelling and getting mad at people for the slightest reason. Is if because i feel sick or.... that something is just burning out? Hmmm too much selfish thoughts maybe, like i always want the best and to be the best, so , high expectations....

Quite tired of talking to certain people too... idk just feel that i need a change. crap now scratch that, i dont want to step into poly life without my closest friends.... really .

Ohh great now i have to make sure that im able to talk, with a voice.

i miss calls....